Silent Screams

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2005-02-24T14:26:00

2005-02-24T21:38:09Z

yesterday as i ran home from school in the middle of 6th hour i seriously wanted to die. i had no one to turn to, no one that would understand what i was going through. yeah i have people who say they are there for me but they are the hardest to talk to, why that is im uncertain but it could be because they are the ones who would understand.
Why am i afraid to let paople know who i am? and when i think im ready to let someone know ME why do i freeze up and not say anything? am i this crazy person? do i have the same feelings as others do? am i all alone in this world?
I am lost in my own thoughts!

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-10-06T23:59:00

2004-10-07T07:01:36Z

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think	You work too hard
Strangers think	You have bigger boobs than Pam
Friends think	You need a fuck buddy

Quiz created with MemeGen!

this is so true my mom made me change my hours of availibility, everybody stares at my boobs, but i dont know if my friends think i need a fuck buddy ( i do by the way)

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-08-31T16:12:00

2004-08-31T23:12:51Z

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	10
your best quality is	your sense of humor =)
your worst quality is	youre not perfect
this is because	lifes a bitch

Quiz created with MemeGen!

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-07-19T19:24:00

2004-07-20T02:25:13Z

Happy Fucking Birthday to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-07-18T14:59:00

2004-07-18T21:59:18Z

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	10
your best quality is	your sense of humor =)
your worst quality is	youre not perfect
this is because	lifes a bitch

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-07-14T13:18:00

2004-07-14T20:58:30Z

I found myself sitting in a room full of people, some I knew for years and others I just met that day, I looked around and didn't feel like I belonged, like these people were judging me and criticizing me and not accepting me for who I am, even though they were acting like a friend. I find myself always self-conscience around any one, always thinking "what are they thinking about me? Do they hate me? Do they want me to disappear? Do I look funny to them?" I don't like being around people a lot of the time because I feel I will have a nervous break down because of all the things running through my mind. When I am alone the only one who can criticize me is ME, I hate being alone too because I think of all the things I need to improve so that people cant judge me but I'm not strong enough to follow through with them and start to improve, I sit and fall deeper into depression and eat to find comfort in something and then end up hating myself more because I keep gaining more and more weight, something I think about improving all the time and something I feel people judge me on. When it all comes together I wonder if I will ever just be happy and all this stuff that runs through my head now will just stop and if it stops will I think about something else as much as I do the stuff now and will it also drive me crazy?

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-07-14T09:51:00

2004-07-14T16:53:55Z

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough.
As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said....
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I dont want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldnt cry if you walked away...I'd die

I want a guy to say this to me and really mean it... i want to be in love with a guy who loves me back!

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-07-03T16:17:00

2004-07-03T23:17:37Z

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-05-25T12:03:00

2004-05-25T19:25:41Z

here is something i wrote like two weeks ago: And again i fell for your words, i believed you this time, thinking maybe you could care for another person, that you wouldnt stabe me in the heart agian, and leave me to fix my heart for the next time you want to stabe it, now as i stich the pieces of my heart back together i say to myself this will never happen again.

well i have to go but i will update more later

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-05-18T18:57:00

2004-05-19T01:57:24Z

THINGS TO SAY WHEN STRESSED AT WORK

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.

2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.

4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?

5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.

6. Do I look like a people person?

7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

8. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left

9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless
acts of self-control?

11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone
to=
sleep yet.

16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.

17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.

18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.

19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.

22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?

24. Earth is full. Go home.

25. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.

29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-05-18T18:35:00

2004-05-19T01:35:29Z

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
29. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-04-27T19:59:00

2004-04-28T03:00:12Z

I adopted a cute lil' emo fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

my egg

2004-04-28T02:57:28Z

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-04-21T14:30:00

2004-04-21T21:42:54Z

earlier today I was reading some of my old writings I have in a notebook, here are a couple of the short ones...

this was written 2-18-04
eyes...they are all around us, looking at every small movement we make, every little imperfection we may have, they see everything. you can find eyes in anything, even non living objects, such as walls...walls are in many places and see many things...or trees and plants they too have eyes and see many things. no matter where you go or what you do... you cant escape the eyes!

this was written 3-10-04
green meadows filled with many beautiful flowers, bright blue sky's for miles to see, a light breeze to calm the suns rays, no humans in sight, THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE!!!!!

I don't know when this one was written but yeah-
A badly bruised girl sits in a the middle of a highly populated park. Her body covered in scratches and bruises, she has nothing but what she carries with her. Her name goes unknown and her voice never heard all because she goes unnoticed.

tell me what you think.

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-04-20T17:25:00

2004-04-21T00:26:14Z

I love the way you love yourself, I hate the way you show it!!!

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-03-30T18:49:00

2004-03-31T01:49:52Z

its tiny and pink and it goes eep eep eep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-03-22T14:25:00

2004-03-22T21:39:17Z

i am so lonely and depressed right now i feel as if i was to die right now no one would notice or even care if they did.

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-03-14T14:37:00

2004-03-14T21:42:24Z

as tears roll down my face i think of why people dont like me... it seems as soon as people get to know me they dont want to be my friend any more or they just forget about me... i sit at home now all by myself my hands shaking making it harder to type... no one ever calls me any more to go out and do any thing... i have no friends.............................
......................................................................................................................................................................................

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-03-12T17:59:00

2004-03-13T01:00:53Z

All i want is to be 120... not 130 or 135 but 120 thats all

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2004-02-21T00:43:57Z

today has been ok until i got home from school, first kevin was being an asshole (every day thing) then my grandparents arrived and were(still are)complaining about the heater being on 80, they like it on 60 but i freeze when its on 74 so yeah, then they were telling me my mom would have more money if i didnt put the heat up so high but my mom also likes it on 80, so i just gave up.

lately i have been hanging out with terena and spencer alot, almost every day. its really fun we go to starbucks alot... and every saturday we go to rocky horror then to dennys... yea... my mom has even adopted them because they are always here and can talk to her about any thing.. they are awsome.. they are probaly the only ones who read this...love you guys

the other night i noticed i throw away aloy of stuff that alot of other people would save...is that bad?

well got to go

kill me now

2004-01-21T02:36:29Z

please put me out of my misery, i cant stand it any longer, i dont want to be here any more. i think i have friends but i dont, i have people who pretend to care. i sit and wait for the phone to NEVER ring, for someone to NEVER im me, someone to NEVER email me! i walk down the hall at school and get bumped and nudge without an "excuse me" or a "sorry", am i even there? can anybody see me? why the hell am i still alive? my family sure doesnt care about me, they also push me out of the way to get where they need to, they dont even notice im there and when i make an atempt to be noticed they tell me to go away (or in that meaning). as i walk down the lonely street home i cry, my eyes start to water and a tear rolls down my cheek before i stop my self, i wait till i get home to sit in the bath tub and cry. i hide my pain and sorrow in my fake smiles and false laughs. FUCK KILL ME NOW!!!!

xbrokenxtearsx @ 2004-01-19T11:26:00

2004-01-19T19:39:00Z

once upon a time the colors of the world started to quarrel. All claimed that they were the best. The most important. The most useful. The favorite.

Green said:
"Clearly I am the most important. I am the sign of life and hope. I was chosen for grass, trees and leaves. Without me, all animals would die. Look over the countryside and you will see that I am in the majority."

Blue interupted:
"You only think about earth, but consider the sky and the sea. It is the water that is the basis of life and drawn up by the clouds from the deep sea. The sky gives space and peace and serenity. Without my peace, you would all be nothing."

Yellow chuckled:
"You are all so serious. I bring laughter, gaiety, and warmth into the world. The sun is yellow, the moon is yellow, and the stars are yellow. Everytime you look at a sunflower, the whole world starts to smile. Without me there would be no fun."

Orange started next to blow her trumpet:
"I am the color of health and strength. I may be scarce, but I am precious for i serve the needs of human life. I carry the most important vitamins. think of carrots, pumkins, oranges, mangos, and papayas. I dont hang around all the time, but when i fill the sky at sunrise and sunset, my beauty is so stiking that no one gives another thought to any of you."

Red cound stand it no longer he shouted out:
"I am the ruler of all you. I am blood- lifes blood! I am the color of danger and of bravery. I am willing to fight for cause. I bring fire into the blood. Without me, the earth would be as empty as the moon. I am the color of passion and of love, the red rose, the poinsettia and the poppy."

Purple rose up to his full height, He was very tall and spoke with great pomp. "I am the color of royalty and power. Kings, chiefs, and bishops have always chosen me for i am the sing of authority and wisdom. People do not question me! They listen and obey."

Finally Indigo spoke, much more queitly than all the others, but with just as much determination:
"Think of me. I am the color of silence. You hardly notice me, but without me you all become superficial. I represent thought and reflection, twilight and deep water. You need me for balance and contrast, for prayer and inner peace."

And so the colors went on boasting, each convinced of his own superiority. Their quarreling became louder and louder. Suddenly there was a startling flash of bright lighting, thunder rolled and boomed. Rain started to pour down relentlessly. The colors crounched down in fear, drawing close to one another for comfort.

In the midst of the clamor, Rain began to speak:
"You foolish colors, fighting amongst yourselves, each trying to dominate the rest. Dont you know that you were each made for a special purpose, unique and different? Join hands with one another and come to me."

Doing as they were told, the colors united and joined hands.

The Rain continued:
"From now on, when it rains, each of you will stretch across the sky in a great bow of color as a reminder that you can all live in peace. The Rainbow is a sign of hope for tomorrow."

And so, whenever a good rain washed the world, and a Rainbow appears in the sky, let us remember to appreciate one another.

Friendship is like a rainbow:
Red like an apple, sweet to the core.
Orange like a burning flame, never dying out.
Yellow like the sun that brightens each and every day.
Green like a plant that keeps on growing.
Blue like the water that is so pure.
Purple like the flower that is ready to bloom.
Indego like the dreams that fill your heart.

the side walks are safe again!!!

2004-01-19T01:14:53Z

yesterday and today my dad took me out driving for a while. yesterday we drove around the neighborhood and practiced turns today my dad made me go on indian school and i almost freaked, but after driving around for a while i got better and calmed down. the next time i go out is next weekend

If only

2004-01-13T23:24:56Z

If only joy could last forever,
and happiness for more than a mere moment,
fear would no longer reign,
and terror would be overcome.
My lifes purpose will have been reached,
and my soul will be glad,
for the good things have finally conquerred over bad.
When joy is found,
i will rejoice,
for tears wont be needed and screams wont last.
Our lives will make us satisfied,
we will be happy and repent,
for our hungry souls and thirsty beast
will no longer cry out to be fed.

i gots a icon now!!! yeah!!!

2004-01-13T23:14:06Z

this entry is dedicated to spencer, he is awsome and a good friend, he set up my icon and has taken me with him the last three saturdays to rocky. i love you spencer!! thank you

Your LJ Date
LJ Username
Your Date is	1916
You will go to	A local park
And afterwards you will	Go home for loving

This fun quiz by KwizBiz - Taken 4939 Times. </a>